More excuses...

My life is full of excuses.  And I'm sick of it.

I couldn't go to the gym this past week because I had to work the morning shift all week. So I was up at 4:30am and when Colin got off work he went to help some friends remodel their house so I couldn't go to the gym. Cooper hates busy town at the Y after many attempts, so I've given up on taking him while I workout. Which means, if Colin has plans after work, I'm SOL.

So, apparently because I couldn't make it to the gym all week, that also meant that I had to eat like shit. I didn't track my food all week, I didn't stick to my meal planning for dinner, I ate fast food, I bought lattes, my week was shot by Monday afternoon and I was done caring.

My bestie, Erica Rezac, has lost 70+ lbs so far this year and she has been an inspiration to so many. I am so proud of what she has accomplished and the goals that she has made and think to myself "I will never do that" because lets face it, I just don't have the determination. I wish I did. I say all the time I am fed up with the way I look, with the way my clothes fit, with how unhealthy I am. But I don't do a damn thing about it. I will do great for a week then it just falls apart and I don't know why. What is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? I have the focus, while I'm actually doing it, but one little thing disrupts me and shit hits the fan. I lose track.

I've lost the same 5 lbs so many freaking times I can't even count. I posted a while back with my "back on the wagon" speech and since then, I've been up and down 5 lbs over and over and over. I'm sick of it. What do I have to do to stay focused?

I have my online support system and a few friends that go to the gym with me every now and then, but all in all, I should be able to do this on my own. After all, it's not for them, it's for me. So again I ask you, What the hell is my problem???